My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
