I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
