FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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