I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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