Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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