I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
