im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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