I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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