just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
