Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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