I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
