I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
