Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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