Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
