I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
