i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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