My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
