Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
only you would photoshop your dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
