what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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