awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
