U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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