i don't like sucking hair
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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