it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
