I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
