happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize