like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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