when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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