We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
