It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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