Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
