I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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