did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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