....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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