am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
