i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
