We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
