There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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