Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
3 2 1 whiskey
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
