Non-Jews are for practice
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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