On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
