Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
