When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
