guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
