I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
