While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
