So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
