Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
