I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
