weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
