just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
