he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
