it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize