guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
